>:: must be something in the water ::<

...or the reverse because i haven't been inspired by anything....don't want to write...rap....spit poetry...nothing....it is truly a dry spell.

i'm becoming a bit of a recluse again....to the point that i am withdrawing from people who are close to me....i know it is a phase but i can't pinpoint what started it this time....maybe it is the natural Pisces in me and the need to swim freely...i haven't a clue....i don't consider it a bad thing because everyone needs space and time to themselves to figure out...life.

on a totally unrelated note......in an old journal on another site, i would always write of this woman that i loved beyond reasoning and understanding....and how i hated the fact that i did love her that way...and how i'd tried so hard to just get over her....and it just seemed fruitless....i stopped trying though...and i think she is one of those people that i'm supposed to be connected to for the rest of my life but i don't see the purpose any more....don't see why she keeps showing up in my dreams...and this could easily be overlooked if they were just dreams about fucking her but they aren't...they're endearing....like i'm supposed to take care of her....from a distance....and i don't even know how that is possible but that is all i can gather from them....so i guess i'm supposed to pray for her or keep her in my thoughts or SOMEthing....i just wish it wasn't so....again...because i don't want to keep rehearsing this dead play....i don't want her and i KNOW that for once....but whatev...my dreams are sometimes torturous reminders of what could have been...and what would never be because i'm not chasing it anymore....but...i'll say a silent one for her....and hope she hears my heart of concern....and doesn't take this as an ego stroke if she ever comes across this entry.

not much else to type about....life has been quiet....and with all the noise in the world right now, i welcome it with open arms.

as you were.

:: I'm trippin ::

i have to fall back. this is not me. and it isn't normal. and that is all i have to say about that.

carry on.

>:: Above It All ::<

inspiration always comes and goes....i lift my glass to toast someone that inspired me to write this erotic prose...and for the first time, it's not because i want her. pure inspiration. God i've missed that....enjoy!

"Above It All"

candlelight dawns spring forth signs of intimacy...ladden sheets across pillow topped mattresses....liquid subsidizing in massage oils...this wasn't supposed to happen...

but that is always the story of unexpected good intimacy....friendly we were....friendlier we became....this was a..."i know you're good at your job and my muscles are tense.".....deal....but the tension evades the inevitable of your eyes penetrating my soul....you're not paying attention...or maybe you are like i...trying to rise above it all...and overstand the respect of not crossing the line....but....here we are....twists strewn across eyelids....and a fast forward replay of when passion took hold of two souls....beaming with just enough light to peek into the darkness and say...it's okay....

it's hard to bear false witness when i'm watching you in your element....looking past my eyes and rubbing oils between fingertips....across my biceps...over my shoulders....across my temples....and i'm trying to be cool about this shit but it isn't working...you're smiling and saying "relax"....but again, you're not paying attention...or maybe you are....like i...trying to rise above it all...while you accidentally brush a fingertip across my lips...i can only imagine that you didn't see my eyes close with satisfaction....breathing in the scent of whatever the hell that is you're wearing...it is intoxicating...and turning me on...and it shouldn't but...queen...we see you...we being my third eye....the soul...we breathe your essence...we get lost in this moment when you are...doing your job...

i'm fading....fast...trying to regain my composure....you request..."turn over"....i know that was professional...i know...but it sounded..so...damn....good....now to ease tension in my back you combine movements against my skin....easing my muscles into relaxation...my face forward....move to my lower back....my eyes close...down to my calf muscles....i'm losing....you say..."your breathing change...relax this muscle"....i say..."i am relaxed"....you say...."turn over"....locked eyes....shit...i am screwed...i'm supposed to respect you...i'm supposed to know that this is only some crazy intense horny something other that i've conjured up....but something in that moment suggests that i'm not as crazy after all....you say..."okay i'm done"....i say...."great let me get my things"....

i've been in this place before....but why does your home seem more inviting now?.....watching you walk toward the door....my mind has taken over...i feel me walking behind you....i see the keys in your hands....i heard them drop to the floor....i felt my breathe on your neck.....heard your heart pace quicken....heard your breath change....felt my arms wrap around your waist....breathed in the scent of jojoba oils and mango....interesting combination....watched your shoulders tense....watched you turn around....you say..."what are you doing."....a statement.....i say..."nothing."....felt my hands rise to your face.....skin against skin....felt your skin temperature change....warm....comforting....but again, you're not paying attention...or maybe you are....like i...trying to rise above it all....

i saw...your jacket fall....felt my fingers unbutton your blouse....watched your eyes watch mine....saw the reluctance of accepting this...moment....watched my fingers slide behind your head...felt my body pull into you....watched your body relinquish some control...saw breath exchanged between us....watched my lips connect with yours....remembered that they were soft like i imagined....tongue included...shit....here we go....hands underneath blouse....shit....nipples erect....i have to put my mouth there....that's what i'm telepathically telling you....and physically oblige....felt your fingers in my twists....savor them like i haven't eaten in years....bite...just a little...place hand in the small of your back....push you against wall....watch you atop my shoulders with pants on....watch you atop my shoulders with Vicky's secret on....tease because i've been known to do this but i am....so...ready to have you....shit...still losing.....watch your legs over my shoulders....while on the couch.....i haven't taken anything off....kiss bikini area....tug at underwear with teeth.....kiss inner thighs.....but you're not paying attention...or maybe you are....like i...trying to rise above it all....

my mental has exited....at this moment it is my pleasure to please you....watch underwear disappear....kiss queendom...feel you shake.....flick tongues....introduce your queendom to me....say hello....bowing already.....breathe into life pulsating.....watch your eyes search your eyelids...suck softly....moaning...hands in my hair again....called jesus....God...and whatever deities would listen....breathing fast....sucking slow....playing with the juices bursting across my lips like....fresh strawberries....forgetting that...this is about respect...i am respecting....your decision to....release all internal intimacy....into my external surface....you're fighting me again...i don't want you to orgasm quick either....torture....i see it in your eyes....i feel it in your bodies rhythmic moving with my mouth.....i can't see you anymore....face buried.....lost count of how many times your queendom opened and shut on my chin.....you're getting closer....you say...."oh my god"....you say...."oh my god"....you say...."oh shit"....warning signal....slow down my pace.....tighten my lips around your clitoris.....holding the release in my lips....you say...."please....".....i....lick....licked....am licking....furiously....watch your body shake....in seizure like contortions.....an orgasm from the soul....still shaking....still squeezing....still releasing....and i...swallow.....and you're...not paying attention....or maybe you are....like i....trying to rise above it all.

HerSexy(Interlude) - Ms.Wyldchyld & Kajmir Royale

>:: a robust realization ::<

in most of my quiet moments, i reflect....like any natural hueman being...without the distraction of what's going in on the world...and focus more on what's going on in my world....there is turmoil...but it is only inner....i know this is the stage where i destroy and rebuild...and this time i'm a bit more sure of what to destroy...often times when you are seeking yourself, as i put it, you chop the good parts out because they've been intertwined with so much MESS....everyday is a day that i'm learning to love what it is about me that makes others smile and even venture to this here blog of mine...its a kind gesture that says "hey, you're interesting"...well maybe that is loosely interpreted but you all get the gist....

i'll recover me i'm sure....no one did anything to get me to this place but me....and i have the womanistic sense to gather every ounce of wisdom i've been given over the last few years of my life to try and turn it all around...it's going to hurt....no change or Seppuku (not THAT extreme but it flowed with the entry LOL) can go unmeasured in the volume of pain radiating from every body part....you have to take a good hard look at yourself and say i really do need to change...some days are harder to get out of the bed and face myself...and face reality....but you should all know something about me as well that's really important.....

.....i have always...and will ALWAYS....continue to be...

a WARRIOR.

carry on.