i'm becoming a bit of a recluse again....to the point that i am withdrawing from people who are close to me....i know it is a phase but i can't pinpoint what started it this time....maybe it is the natural Pisces in me and the need to swim freely...i haven't a clue....i don't consider it a bad thing because everyone needs space and time to themselves to figure out...life.
on a totally unrelated note......in an old journal on another site, i would always write of this woman that i loved beyond reasoning and understanding....and how i hated the fact that i did love her that way...and how i'd tried so hard to just get over her....and it just seemed fruitless....i stopped trying though...and i think she is one of those people that i'm supposed to be connected to for the rest of my life but i don't see the purpose any more....don't see why she keeps showing up in my dreams...and this could easily be overlooked if they were just dreams about fucking her but they aren't...they're endearing....like i'm supposed to take care of her....from a distance....and i don't even know how that is possible but that is all i can gather from them....so i guess i'm supposed to pray for her or keep her in my thoughts or SOMEthing....i just wish it wasn't so....again...because i don't want to keep rehearsing this dead play....i don't want her and i KNOW that for once....but whatev...my dreams are sometimes torturous reminders of what could have been...and what would never be because i'm not chasing it anymore....but...i'll say a silent one for her....and hope she hears my heart of concern....and doesn't take this as an ego stroke if she ever comes across this entry.
not much else to type about....life has been quiet....and with all the noise in the world right now, i welcome it with open arms.
as you were.
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